Parents Confess What They Do When The Kids Aren’t Around And It’s Hilarious

8 days ago, parents from Reddit were asked what they like to do when their kids are not home. We’ve gone through some answers and discovered that (according to the vast majority) things are likely to get wild.

#1. Binge — on junk food.

“Eat ice cream without sharing.” – superfly355

“Eat Oreos. It’s not that I never let my kids eat Oreos, it’s just that I eat like a whole tube (they come in tubes here) in one sitting. I think my kids would be horrified that Dad scarfs down a whole tube when they only get one each if they finish their dinners.” – rolledmycaragain

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#2. Drop all the F-bombs.

“I turn off my filter and swear like a sailor. Also, watch R-rated movies.” Proggoddess

#3. Enjoy the sound of silence.


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“I soak up the fucking silence. Holy shit, man. I love my child, but the sound of her voice, repeating a single word over and over for 5 solid minutes until she finds a new word to repeat?” – birtardedest

#4. Soak in bubble baths.

“Soak in the bath and catch up on my reading or any violent movies I’ve been holding off seeing when they’re around.” – Stretchmarkmcgee

#5. Get stuff done.

“I run errands. It may sound silly, but it’s easier to focus on driving, I can get things done faster, I can drive through McDonald’s for a drink without having to buy a happy meal, I can listen to my own music in the car, I don’t have random toys hitting me in the back of the head…; You get the idea.” whowantsmytaco

#6. Think — about things.

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“Finish sentences.” wirecan

#7. Act like a kid.

“Parenting can get exhausting — you have to constantly think about what you are doing and how your kid is learning from your example. I am an adult and want to eat chocolate ice cream on the couch, spill some, then flip the couch cushion over and pretend nothing happened. But if I saw my kid doing that I would lose my mind.” kaikuhaiku

“Lounge around on the couch, watch shows that I can’t watch in front of my kids, swear, eat chocolate. And then go to Costco.” – jetsetbox

#8. Drink wine. And drink some more wine.


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“Ok, I call it “Mommy Time.” I grab my bottle of wine, turn on my trashy shows that can’t be played when they are awake, grab the three laundry baskets of clothes I never folded that day and just drink and fold…;.yaaaas.” – tiffonibologna

#9. Do things that are on the “not allowed” list.

“I do all the things I don’t want them to do: Play video games, watch mindless movies, eat lollipops and ice cream, and get drunk. But they will never know this.” DangerGirrl

#10. Get it on.

“Have normal, non-hushed sex. Walk around naked. Really boring stuff I used to do uninterrupted. ” Lexjude

#11. Watch NSF kids TV shows.

“Watching TV that isn’t Disney.” – MacSteele13

#12. Smell the sweet scent of fresh air .

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“Open the windows and enjoy a house that doesn’t smell like a fucking gym sock (we have a 15yo and a 17yo). No amount of candles or air freshener can prepare you for the stench of teenage boys. That Febreeze commercial is accurate AF – they have no clue how fucking bad they smell.” – karynzen

#13. Stare blankly into space.

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“I have a 5 and a 3 year old. When they’re not around I like to blankly stare into the middle distance readying myself for their inevitable return.” – uniquetweets2